September 10, 2009

Feeling conflicted ...

O.k. so I'm pretty sure I can vent on here because NO ONE from my family actually reads my blog. (And to think that used to bug me!)

O.k. I'm feeling pretty conflicted about some things right now and to really explain it would take a novel, but I will try to keep it short.

Many of you know that I grew up with 11 siblings and for the most part I always felt "alone is a roomful of strangers" kind of thing, not really connecting with any of them. Despite what many of you who know me in real life must see, I was a very shy child and stayed to myself (still am shy but overcompensate with learned social behavior from ettiquette classes.)

Even when it was just me and my biological brother (a year older) with my mom's family I always felt like (and still do) an afterthought. Like a side note. Maybe that's why I diverted my energy and attention into school and education. It was a method to justify the loneliness.

I remember this one time in my teens, we were at my mom's for Christmas dinner and my uncle asked my brother how school was. After his answer he turned and asked me, but before I could answer, my uncle turned to my aunt and started a conversation with her. I don't know why that sticks out in my mind so much.

Anyway, George and I were very excited about getting pregnant and I called everyone to share the news. But since then it has been a very quiet. No calls, other than a few from my mom when she's not busy, and no answers on the monthly baby updates. But this week, my brother and his wife announced she was pregnant and I feel like our family will once again take a back burner for him.

I am very excited for them, I know that they will be great parents, I was just hoping that since we didn't get the big fanfare wedding and stuff like they did that this would be my chance to finally be in the limelight. {Sigh} It's not that I don't mind sharing but just like a child giving its parents a crayon drawing I was expecting some excitement, but instead it's like my brother just proved he was a 7-year-old Michaelangelo or something and my little drawing looks like crap!

I know that it's just something I will have to work through, and it's not like George's Family and our friends and Army Family haven't been extremely supportive. I know a large part of it is because we are a military Family and that takes us a long way from our Family and while I wouldn't say "out of sight, out of mind" it does feel that way at times.

Well, I'm off to cheer myself up by finishing some stitching projects for Baby Boy and as well as for another milspouse who is expecting 6-weeks before me (Ahh, we are partners in crime but you'll never catch us because we can look so innocent!). Back to baby on the brain! I do have some cute stuff to post later on, as well as an update on our crazy fun Miami trip!

Until our next cup of tea ...

8 Tea Party Guest:

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Isn't venting what your blog friends are for. You need to talk it out. It isn't not your fault, that your family is like they are, I feel their disconnect is their lose not yours. Thank God for George's family.
And your blogging friends

ancient one said...

I'm glad you can express your feelings and know that we will understand. I can relate to being alone in a room full of people. I was the oldest of seven children. My youngest brother is two years older than my oldest child. My mom had her hands full and couldn't really aprreciate my pregnancy, but my parents did carry on over my youngest brother's baby. LOL

I hear what you are saying and I think girls tend to be treated "lesser" than the boys. It shouldn't be but it does happen.

Oh so much I want to say... but I won't... just wait til your little boy gets here... BOY O BOY... he'll get some attention.. LOL

Sue said...

If you can't vent to us, who CAN you vent to? I am the middle kid -one sister older, one younger. It used to feel like they were in cahoots against me, and it took me a long time to get over that and now we are very close with one another despite the miles between us.
I will hope and pray for you that your family comes around - that they visit and fuss over the baby. If not, as Molly mentioned, it is THEIR loss.
I am so glad that you have a good support group in George's family and in your friends. And really, don't forget that we are always here to listen 'cause we care.
I hope things work out my friend.

stitcherw said...

Yup, sometimes it's a plus that family doesn't follow a blog, it makes for a bit more freedom to express yourself, and it sounds like that is just what you needed. To bad that your family doesn't seem to appreciate your family to the same extent as they do others, it is certainly their loss. I'm glad you've got your friends to fall back on. Family isn't just determined by blood, and from your earlier writings it sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive extended family. {{hugs}}

lime said...

ditto to all the others said. it helps to have the outlet sometimes. having your first baby reveals some interesting sides to families. it also is an occasion for things you though tyou had settled in you rown mind to come back simply because now they need to be processed on an entirely different level.

liberal army wife said...

family will make you crazy. really really nuts. and right now, you don't need that level of stress. venting is what a blog is for. it's too bad that your family hasn't realized what they are missing - too bad for THEM, not you. enjoy this time of waiting and nesting - if they can't see the joy, tough.


Personalized Sketches and Sentiments said...

Dear friend :o)

Sorry that I have been so behind with blog reading and the blog world in general... trying to balance things like everyone, but havent found that balance here...yet.

I hope that things are going well with your pregnancy and look forward to seeing more photos :o)

How exciting it is to get your little boy's room, clothes and things set up.

Blessings to you and prayers that things are connecting better with your family.

Meari said...

I know how you feel! I was shy and quiet as a girl, too. Then covered it up with socially learned behaviors and immersed myself into school where I received attention for my good grades and behavior. Even as an adult, I feel left out because all my siblings are married with children. Try not to let it get you too down... You have a new baby coming! That is so exciting!! :) I'm happy for you. ((hugs)) and hope you feel better.