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May 14, 2009

Love worth waiting for ...

So I'm just going to vent here, please excuse me as I try to sort it all out ...

So as my returning readers know, my husband and his unit recently (January) returned from a 14-month deployment. Not our first so I knew to surround myself supportive friends. And that is what I did. There were four of us, three spouses and a fiancee, varying ranks of Soldiers, varying ages of spouses, I was the only one who'd been through a deployment before. None of this was issues. We tried to watch out for each other, support each other and when needed be a should to cry on, an ear for venting and a pillar of strength when things got bad.

The three of us who were spouses lived on post, each one street over from each other. The fiancee lived about an hour away, but we stayed in contact as much as possible by phone, getting together on days off. They were set to be married this month and we shared her excitement.

Fastforward to the Soldiers coming home, I was there with her to greet him when he arrived home.

Two months later, I think it was in March, they broke up. He'd found out he'd sheated on him during the deployment. The other spouses and I tried not to judge her. We knew this was a hard life and while we absolutely disagreed with what she did, we knew we'd made mistakes before. She was an adult about admitting her mistakes and they went their seperate ways.

We soon learned she'd returned to the other guy. Not something we'd agreed with, but it was her choice. Then the time came for us all to leave. Oddly enough, we all came to the side of the U.S., but the former finacee stayed there. We decided to stay in touch and see how things progressed.

Well, here is my rant. Yesterday, the former finacee called to say she and the other guy were wanting to get married and are trying for a baby(I know it sounds so much worse when I refer to them as that, but that's kind of how it is).

Something about that just set me off. Really it pissed me off. I'm happy she is moving forward, but it kind of felt like a slap in the face. Like she was saying that the sacrifices that we make as military spouses, the months and cumalative years, we spend waiting for our Soldiers to come home, and the reality that they may not, was not worth her effort. I know it's a hard life that we choose as Military Spouses, but for some reason this really got to me.

Maybe for her it was the easy way out. It was easier to not face those challenges, that their love wasn't THAT strong. Maybe I should look at it as a tool to measure how strong our love it, because there was never a doubt that it was worth the waiting. RIght now, I am sitting here, slightly irritated that my dear hubby keeps interrupting me like a child who only wants attention when you are busy, but in retrospect, it means he is home.

Well, I'm off to interrupt whatever game he and the puppy are engrossed in.

Until our next visit ...

6 Tea Party Guest:

Marjorie (Molly) Smith said...

Well all I can say is he is better off without her, it's better to find out before the wedding what she is made of. Chuck had a friend that everytime the soilders was out in the fields the tank unit were on base and she was having an open affair with a Stg till Andy can home early and caught her...the Army sent her home (they were in German) and busted the tank guy down to Pvt. after telling him to stay away and they wouldn't she and Andy worked it out and she came back to Germany, they lasted for 5 more yr. and a lot of heartache for him. He is remarried now and doing good but for 7 yrs his life was miserable cause she wasn't cut out for that life.

Lissa said...

GGGRRRRRRR! Why are there women like that? I tell you what......even a little time with my husband as opposed to not having him at all is worth whatever deployments/missions/training that he is away for. Your right, being an Army wife is hard sometimes, but I would say that Military wives/husbands have a much deeper appreciation for their time with their spouses, and they KNOW that every moment is precious, even if they are sometimes few and far between. Sadly, she probably won't ever figure that out.

Blushing hostess said...

I am sorry that friend turned out to be a bum. I am always stunned when these things happen and when the military is used as an excuse for clear failings of character.

On a related note, when my Husband arrived at this station, I went to yahoo groups for the first time and signed up for the spouses local meeting. in the area there all are all four branches and the wives all met together. before I could go to a meeting, it was cancelled by the organizer who wrote (to 200 odd spouses) that she and her fiance were breaking up, that she had no idea how we did it or why...such a painful sort of moron, first of all. the responses were searing and heated. I like to think this is a job for steel magnolia's and I am proud to do it.

I know it makes a person angry to have to be a party to this woman's nonsense, but you learned from it.
Be well,
The Hostess

Mari said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. My son is in the army and I really appreciate our guys and their wives! This kind of situation you talk about is very frustrating.

liberal army wife said...

ah... brings back memories of my son's FORMER fiancee... may she rot. It was glamorous, having a boyfriend in the Sand. her girlfriends clustered about her, my son spent his phone calls on her, his R&R with her and she could milk the "oh poor me" for all it was worth at work. but the nitty gritty of Army Life? not so much.

She's not worth your time. If you like her as herself, and you are just pissed about this one thing, it's up to you if you want to hold onto this relationship. If all that held you together was deployment - cut her loose.

LAW

Sue said...

Michelle,
Ok, this is gonna be a book.
A few weeks ago, when Laurie was home, we were at a friend's house for dinner. She asked Laurie how she and Stephen do it - how do they stay together with all the separations and commitments the Army requires of both of them. Laurie said, "The Army is a good career - not an easy career - but one which is rewarding. We don't care to be apart as much as we are, but if you are committed to each other, it works."
Laurie is in one city with her doggie to keep her company, in a program so difficult that it blows my mind as to how she does it. Kasey is across the country with us, and Stephen is across an ocean doing missions every single day. They chose to do this - but they love each other - and that's the thing.
When my soldiers were here for Christmas - every moment spent with each other from the very moment she saw them at the airport was a treasure.
The Army expects a total commitment - BUT the commitment to your spouse needs to be even greater. You and George, your two friends and their spouses, my daughter and her husband...and many many others know what it takes. It takes love and loyalty. God bless all of you who know all that it takes and still stick with it. Am I proud of our military? Oh my friend yes. But more than that, I am thankful for - and pray each day for - couples like you and my children for not JUST sticking with it, but for understanding what is needed to keep it all together.
You have my prayers for peace in your heart. It's not easy to understand, but maybe we aren't supposed to understand...maybe God wants us to just love the people He gave to us and pray for those who don't get it? And be there to help the ones who are hurt.
Thank you for loving your soldier so much. It means soooo much to us military moms - you have no idea how much it means.
Hugs to you and George and the puppy who loves you both.
Sue