Update: Who the hell do you think you are?

Well it has been a bumpy ride this last week. I often describe our marriage as a bully and the kid who stands behind the bully acting tough ... I am the actor. Not to say that George is a bully, but if he feels that he or his family has been wronged the wrath of God could not compare to his anger. However, since he is in the field until the end of the month, I am left to deal with problems and I admit I have surprised myself this week.

As I posted previously on Monday we found that my bank card number had been “borrowed” to put it delicately and we faced nearly $2,000 in unauthorized charges. To make a long story ... well less long her is what ensued.

On Tuesday I checked the account. Yeah, no record of any bogus charges. Our numbers were on the rise, especially since we both got paid.

On Wednesday night, I talked to George briefly about what the bank has said on Monday and that our money was back where it belonged. Afterwards, confident that all was well, I logged into my credit card account ( for emergencies only) since I had used it to get gas that day and my bank card had been canceled. The plan was to write a check and send it to the bank and cash a check today to hold me over until my new bank card arrive. There I found a surprise. Someone had started charging iTunes to that account. Now this worried me because the card is in my first and maiden name (Michelle is my middle name and no I won’t tell you what my first name is!) The address still goes to my parents (until last night) and is forwarded to this address because, well I never use it (it REALLY is only for emergencies, not “shopping” emergencies!)

So I call the credit card agency and they make a note, cancel both George and my card and send new ones out. In the meantime he tries to contact Apple, but they go home at night (so lazy!) and so he gave me the web site for unauthorized charges. That’s right, apparently it is such a problem, they have a web page dedicated to fraudulent charges at Apple. I hang up, try the web page then call KG my neighbor/coworker/close friend to vent.

This morning I call the credit card agency and the charges are dropped. Yeah! So I get to work and start dealing with stolen identity thing on production day (Hey! All my work was done and turned in by 11:15 a.m. and that’s with a trip to the Post Exchange to cash a check!)

First I call the three credit reporting agencies, Equifax, Trans Union and Experian. They place a fraud alter that is only valid for 90 days (in my best salesman voice: “But if you’d like to pay $150 per year per social security number we will monitor them for you as long as the check clears!)

Next I call the bank to get a copy of the fraud investigation report, because it’s my ticket out of this mess. Well they told me that since the person didn’t actually get the money they would not be investigating unless the person tried to use the card again. (we caught it while it was a pending transaction not after the money had been given to the merchants). Hello! After he logs on and see his purchases were denied, he knows we’re on to him! So plan B.

After some Internet research (damn Internet probably got me in this mess) I found a list of what to do if your ID is stolen through the Social Security web site. So next, I call the Military Police and they tell me to bring my paperwork there and make a statement. So I call the credit card company to get written verification that I filed a report and after 20 minutes of talking to a dozen people they tell me that they can send a letter and I should get it in 7-10 business day. WHAT!?! “I NEED IT NOW,” I told the rep. I need to file a police report because your financial institute said they are not doing anything other than refund my money. They said they can’t e-mail it because of security issues. Umm,, you e-mail my damn statement with account info on it. So another 10 minutes and they final decide they can fax it (‘cause that’s sooo much more secure!) However, it will be 24-48 hours. Great!

Next I call the ACS financial program for advise. (Thank God I’m doing all those commentaries and learned about it.) She said I was doing everything they have listed to do, but call if I have any questions. Finally, someone with answers!

Next I call the bank to get written verification from them and again I talk to EVERYONE ON STAFF! They tell me they don’t have a template for that kind of letter. GET YOU ASS TO THE COMPUTER AND TYPE SOME SHIT ON A DAMN LETTERHEAD. I DON’T CARE IF THE MAIL BOY SIGNS IT!

O.K. I held my tongue, but if they knew what I was screaming in my head they would be terrified! Finally they said they could send me an affidavit stating what had been charged to my account and that I was not charged for them, but if was for my personal records only. REALLY! WHO IS GOING TO STOP ME FROM GIVING A COPY TO THE POLICE! I MIGHT POST THIS SHIT ALL OVER THE INSTALLATION IF YOU DON’T BACK OFF! Again, only in my head. So I get the paperwork and all my papers together so I can go to both police stations tomorrow.

Then George calls. That’s right, he doesn’t know this is all going on yet (and I made it sound less dramatic.) Hopefully, I can get this dealt with before he gets home. But I am seconds from hurting somebody.