August 7, 2010

There's No Excuse, I've Been Hiding ...

Well, Dear Blogger Friends, I don't need to tell you that my posting have dwindled. I could blame it on being a new Mommy, but I've always been honest with you. When we were at Fort Polk, life was great. You were there, right alongside as I catalog my grand adventures, some that would rival Forest Gump's journey from the south to the White House.

I was actively involved in the community, working with military families and working on my master's degree. You were there to ride out the rocky moments of deployments and separation and shared in the joy of homecomings. You laughed at the comedic view that I had on life, the world through the eyes of Sgt. Major, and many implored with me to write a book about living life with a laugh and latte, but alas, this duty station has beaten me down.

I was eager to start a new chapter with a baby and southern sun, jumping into the new adventures of life on a Air Force Base and Florida Beaches. Many of you begged me to slow down as I ran 90-to-nothing at 8 months pregnant, eager to explore my new home and meet new friends.

But here I sit, 9-months to the day since we moved in and I've lost my laughter. I love life with Jamie and his antics make me laugh daily, but more than no longer having access to my nostalgic New Orleans coffee of childhood days, I've lost my connection with the military community.

Maybe it's because we were at Fort Polk for 5 years, maybe it's because we live on base and I could throw rock and find someone facing the same issues, maybe it was I felt like I was doing something important when I went to work every day, but somewhere between Louisiana and Florida, I lost my spark.

I sit here, day in and day out in the house with Jamie and Sgt. Major, feeling trapped in my own home. George is only one of two Active Duty Army commanders on the post, the other being the general and we are surrounded by spouses who are married to his subordinates or his bosses, so either way I am on eggshells, watching what I say, what I do, how I act.

I've tried to make friends ... tried to volunteer, joined baby and toddler group, invited other spouses to lunch, but no one has stepped up. It’s hard to be the new girl who has to welcome herself. The spouses here are great, but none of the "parent" unit spouses have reached out and I have to schedule FRG activities to get someone to meet me for lunch. The leadership calls me when they need a volunteer, the spouses call when they need advice, but on the proverbial “Friday night” my dance card is empty. I have gone from the social butterfly to the girl nobody wants to dance with.

I’m tired of the pity party, so I am determined to pull myself out of it if I have to dance in the rain all alone. This isn’t me. I’m not the quiet wallflower (which is funny because I am naturally a quiet person), I’m the outgoing cheerleader (an still have the HS uniform to prove it!). I’m not going to let this place beat me. I’m not going to let the negatives of this lifestyle conquer me. I’m going to get out there, explore my world, face my fears, stitch a project or two and live life. My adventures are as numerous as the teacups I collect and I think it’s about time I get out there and add to both collections … just as soon as I finish my cup of hot Community Coffee. Thank God for internet shopping! If I can find my coffee, I can find my laughter!

Until our next cup of tea (or coffee!),

3 Tea Party Guest:

ABW said...

Oh heck, move to Carson and I'll be your friend!

Cheryl said...

I love your last paragraph, go girl! Must be so difficult, its hard moving to a new area and starting all over again. You sound like a lovely person to be friends with though :)

Vee said...

Sounds very challenging indeed and I am glad that you are a go-getter. Perhaps your world can expand further than the military community. There are many, many areas that can use your talents and abilities. You're a communicator!