June 29, 2006

Silence is deafening

It has been more than a week since I last talked to George and I am going stir crazy. I am more restless than sitting the days after Hurricane Rita visit left us in hot, muggy house with no power and only our thoughts to entertain us.
I haven't written much since he left because I don't want to inadvertently say something that be used against the troops. I'd rather wallow in my own loneliness that cause harm to my husband and his men.
Some day are good, work keeps me busy, school keeps me stressing and the puppy ... well he keeps me crazy. With his constant need for attention, I would be kept busy without any of my other activities.
The gym has become a refuge of late, where I spend an good portion of my free time willing the time away on the Precor elliptical, but alas there has been little outward change. Damn the ever-present need for chocolate.
I have done a few photo shoots and am working on my photography portfolio, both portrait and creative art. Hopefully, one day I'll get a good collection of creative/decorative art to sell, I just haven't had the time to set up an online gallery, which is really the best way to go if you are a military dependent. There is no need to relocate your physical gallery, just update contact info.
Anyway, back to the going crazy. Some days are really hard. Just seeing a was report on TV or the Internet drives me to tears. THe hardest part is when something happens and I wish I could share it with him, but know it'll just be another story to pass along in the next e-mail or phone call.
I really don't know how I would have done this without Sgt. Major. There are some days the only reason I get out of bed it to take care of him. He won't let you feel sorry for yourself either, it takes away from the sympathy he should be getting because he doesn't get a piece of turkey from my sandwich or he can't find a comfortable spot on the couch. Life is rough when you are a 65-pound bulldog who has to endure a 10-15 minute walk every night. Really, what am I complaining about.
Fact of the matter is, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to keep busy and I knew I would have to take on his responsibilities when he was gone (car maintenance still baffles me), but it is the sad and happy times that he misses that make the loneliness all the more difficult. But this is the life we chose and in the end it only draws us closer together. It makes you cherish the times you do have together. In retrospect, the good times are really not that good without the bad times to make them really shine.

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